Conflict is inevitable among humans. In fact, a question can be asked to those who seldom deal with conflict in any of their relationships: is their relationship healthy? I will not say that those who are often in conflict have healthy relationship (they don’t, most of the time). If they argue a lot, let alone based on simple things, we can be pretty sure that they just are not compatible together.

When dealing with conflicts, people often picture themselves as the victim. People love to play victim. They will see themselves as the ones that have to suffer real pain and that the other person doing harm is so cruel, mean, insensitive, and lots of other bad things. Well, the truth is, we are so self-oriented that we are not able to frame ourselves in another point of view. We are so selfish, we cannot see that we could be the one who hold the knife and stab our partner. We are so blinded by rage that lots of good memories we had are never taken into account. What we see is only our own pain and his/her evil means.

When blinded by such hatred and anger, love is not there. Part of love is about understanding each other, and yet all we do is to cry over the unfairness we think we experience and question why this relationship exists the first place. Where is the understanding part in it? People are so blinded by their own rage that they forget how to love. A simple act will do: take a deep breath and ask yourself, “Am I doing this the right way? Have I loved this person enough? I probably haven’t.”

Those who are powered by love will not be ashamed to say sorry, guilty or not. You care more about the relationship than your own justification that you are the right one. Unwilling to say sorry might be a sign that we are still too selfish and overpowered by our own will. Say the word and let the magic word melt the cold heart. Let the confession begin. Let the heart be touched and let the relationship be stronger.

If you are doing that right, you will have the healthiest kind of a relationship: a relationship that is willing to be changed for good, a relationship where forgiveness is abundant, a relationship where love is the only source of power.

Written as a reminder to myself that in order to have the best relationship, one must be willing to actively maintain it.

A Reminder to Myself

A friend of mine once talked to me, “You will never be sure of what lies up ahead.” I didn’t really give a thought about it until I graduated. Yes, being able to graduate from one of top universities in Indonesia seems cool. It was cool… until the day of graduation. After that, questions like, “Now what?” or “What should I do now?” will always pop into your head.

It is always hard to make a decision, especially if the decision is big. You are afraid to screw things up. I am. We are all afraid. The problem is, we can’t really run away from making a decision. There will be some time — maybe now, maybe in the future, who knows? — when we have to make decision. Big decision.

I am now in that kind of situation. I realize now that the problem I am faced with is somewhat more complex. I learn to be a man of my own. Quoting my friend: “The choices used to be clear, you just had to choose and gave all of your efforts to achieve that. Now, you don’t even know which one you should consider as the choice.” Imagine that you were faced with a multiple choice questions, but now you have to fill in the blank. It is somewhat harder, right?

So, contemplating this for so many times, I think that I should not worry too much about what will I do in the future. Life is a sequence of decisions. It is always started with one decision. You have to live it up before knowing what step you should take next. What decision you should take next.

I would suggest you this: stop worrying too much and start taking actions. If in the future you think you are making a mistake, then stop doing that and learn from it. Your next decision won’t be so bad as before. Life should be made as simple as possible, yet it has to be made as precious as possible. That’s the challenge.

Written as a reminder to myself

Yuk, bangga dengan bahasa Indonesia!

Bahasa menunjukkan bangsa. Tabiat seseorang dapat dilihat dari cara ia bertutur kata. Bahasa adalah cermin dari diri kita. Oleh karena itu, sebagai orang Indonesia, kita wajib mengenal bahasa Indonesia, yang notabene merupakan bahasa ibu kita.

Kita sering menjumpai percampuran dua bahasa dalam satu kalimat, semisal “Nanti kita meeting pukul 10, ya” atau “Boleh diorder dulu barangnya” alih-alih “Nanti kita rapat pukul 10, ya” atau “Boleh dipesan dulu barangnya”. Mungkin menggunakan dua bahasa atau lebih dalam satu kalimat mengesankan bahwa penutur tersebut terpelajar, namun sesungguhnya kemampuan bertutur dengan satu bahasa secara konsisten menunjukkan bahwa penutur tersebut adalah orang yang teratur. Seperti kata Ivan Lanin, keteraturan bahasa menunjukkan keteraturan pikiran.

Dalam ranah yang lebih formal, saya mulai membiasakan diri menulis kalimat bahasa Indonesia dengan lebih baik dan teliti. Jika saya menemukan suatu istilah berbahasa Inggris atau bahasa asing lainnya, saya akan mencoba mencari padanan katanya dalam bahasa Indonesia. Jika memang diperlukan — untuk menghindari ambiguitas, misalnya — barulah saya menyertakan istilah asing tersebut dalam kalimat saya. Mungkin pada awalnya akan terdengar aneh, namun jika dibiasakan niscaya tidak akan terdengar aneh.

Ada banyak contoh istilah asing yang sekarang sedang saya biasakan untuk pakai dalam padanan kata Indonesianya, semisal surel untuk e-mail, tautan untuk link, unduh untuk download, unggah untuk upload, sampai ke istilah yang lebih sulit, semisal urun dana untuk crowdfund(-ing), kampanye hitam untuk black campaign, jejaring sosial untuk social network.

Berbicara dengan bahasa Indonesia tidak akan membuat kita tampak bodoh. Berbicara dengan bahasa asing juga tidak membuat kita tampak pandai, karena seyogianya bahasa ada untuk mempermudah komunikasi, meskipun kekuatan sebuah bahasa tidak seremeh itu. Saya tidak melarang menulis dengan bahasa asing. Saya hanya menyarankan Anda menggunakan istilah asing sesedikit mungkin dalam berbahasa Indonesia, apalagi jika istilah tersebut memiliki padanannya dalam bahasa Indonesia dan lawan bicara Anda juga orang Indonesia. Seperti yang sudah saya serukan di judul, mari kita bangga dengan bahasa Indonesia. 😀

Oya, saya mohon koreksinya jika ada penggunaan istilah bahasa Indonesia saya yang salah.

After the election

Hello fellas! It’s been so long since the last time I posted something on this blog. I’m gonna post my thoughts about the president election our nation’s been undergone. I am gonna write in English to improve my writing skill, so before reading any further, I’m open to critics about my writing, especially my words’ choice.

It is a new thing that Indonesia has only two candidates in a president election. The first candidate is a former general which is massively accused for violating human’s right regarding 1998 accident, one of the biggest tragedy in Indonesia’s history. He has been volunteering himself as a candidate three times, counting this year’s election. Although many people accused him as a traitor, there are still many people supported him and believed that what he has done is for something good in the future.

The second candidate is a carpenter who then becomes a mayor of Solo, a small city in Central Java for approximately eight years before continuing his political career as a governor of Indonesia’s biggest city and also the capital of Indonesia, Jakarta, since then. Many people praised him for being able to revolutionise Solo and Jakarta — giving access to poor people to many sectors such as education or health, streamlining the bureaucracy, and so on — although also many people saw him as a not committed one, since he became a candidate of governor of Jakarta when he was still leading Solo, and he became a candidate of president when he was still leading Jakarta.

This is my first time voting. Many people around me have been so concerned with the election processes, with the two candidates, with the General Elections Commissions (KPU), and so on. I think, as a normal civilian, I still have to know more about the candidates. It is a good thing that everything can be accessed easily now. I can just see the presidential debate via Twitter if I don’t have any access to watch it in TV. I can just download the candidates’ vision and mission and read it on my phone. I can know their background easily from the Internet. What I need to do is to decide which one should I vote. Should I vote the first candidate or the second candidate? Or am I okay with both candidates so that it doesn’t even matter who will win? It is a personal choice, and everyone is entitled with their own opinion and we have to respect that.

During the election process until the General Elections Commissions release the election result, many thing happened. Some are interesting, some are frightening. Although I am afraid that there will be a riot following the release of the election result, I see this election as a very good example to show people about democracy, especially young children. How to create a clean yet creative campaign, how to gracefully accept defeat, how to create a clean election process are just some examples. I am happy that many young people involved in the process, giving a new hope to a better Indonesia.

Well, I think that General Elections Commissions has been working very hard and we should appreciate them. I also suggest that we, and by ‘we’ I mean all of us Indonesian, support the chosen president, no matter what, because he is the one who will lead us in the next five years. Election is over, now is the time to accept the result and support the chosen candidate. By doing this, we can show to other nations even more that we are truly a democratic country.

I think this post is already long enough so I will end it now. Thanks for reading! By the way, feel free to drop a comment below.

Pesta Demokrasi

Indonesia akan melaksanakan pesta demokrasinya pada Juli ini, dengan agenda pemilihan presiden dan wakil presiden, setelah menyelenggarakan pemilihan legislatif pada April lalu. Bagi sebagian orang, ini adalah saat yang dinanti-nanti, karena ada harapan untuk hidup di Indonesia yang lebih toleran, lebih cerdas, dan lebih damai. Bagi sebagian orang, saat-saat ini tidak ada bedanya dengan hari-hari kebanyakan. Mungkin karena mereka belum bisa menyuarakan aspirasi mereka, atau jangan-jangan mereka telah putus harapan.

Buat saya pribadi, momen ini cukup saya nantikan, sebab di usia yang menginjak dewasa ini, saya sedikit banyak telah melihat fenomena-fenomena yang terjadi di sekitar saya dan bisa saya dan teman-teman mahasiswa lain analisis dengan rasio mahasiswa saya, yang memang masih jauh dari berpengalaman. Dengan banyaknya sorotan media terhadap kinerja pemerintah, saya memiliki akses yang sangat melimpah untuk mengkritisi apa yang pemerintah lakukan. Sebagai akibatnya, ada beberapa hal yang membentuk karakter saya seperti sekarang. Ada beberapa hal yang ingin saya lakukan ketika telah memiliki cukup kuasa dan pengalaman. Ada idealisme yang tercipta.

Saya masih tidak habis pikir bagaimana mungkin seorang menteri melakukan korupsi. Tidak hanya satu dua orang, namun banyak! Ini menunjukkan bahwa tingginya jabatan tidak serta merta diikuti oleh karakter yang baik. Ada kekecewaan yang muncul, ada olok-olok yang muncul, ada harapan baru yang muncul. Saya sangat berharap, siapapun presidennya, hendaklah ia memillih orang-orang kepercayaannya dengan bijaksana. Meskipun politik tidak dapat diragukan lagi akan ambil andil dalam penentuan kursi, bukan berarti politik harus selalu kotor. Saya percaya, politik kotor karena pelakunya kotor. Di mata saya, politik yang baik adalah politik yang motivasinya murni: memajukan Indonesia. Indonesia dalam arti luas, seluas-luasnya, bukan memajukan golongan tertentu saja. Yang masih saya lihat sangat jauh dari yang saya bayangkan. 

Ya, tinggal menghitung minggu saja hingga pemilihan presiden dilaksanakan. Saya telah memiliki pilihan saya, dan saya harap pilihan saya tepat. Saya berharap setidaknya kita sebagai partisipan paling pasif dalam pesta demokrasi inipun bisa terlibat: dengan memastikan surat suara yang menjadi hak kita tidak disalahgunakan golongan tertentu. Akan jauh lebih baik lagi jika kita sanggup menyuarakan pendapat kita, atau bahkan berkontribusi secara langsung, dalam segala aspek. Hal-hal lokal yang kita lakukan akan menjadi bermakna secara global jika dikerjakan secara masif, bersama-sama.

Yuk, sukseskan pesta demokrasi terbesar Indonesia! Yuk, berharap untuk Indonesia yang lebih baik lagi di tangan pemuda bangsa pilihan rakyat Indonesia!

About Trust

Have you ever gotten hurt by someone, in any form? It will hurt more if it comes from our beloved ones. It would feel totally painful: it feels like I don’t really understand them. The worst part? We put less trust towards them.

Or… have you ever hurt someone? Another painful thing is if it’s someone we care about. What’s remaining is only regret. The relation will not be the way it used to be anymore.

Don’t break the trust given to you. When you gain someone’s trust, it means that a part of that person is given to you. Breaking that trust means killing a part of that person. We become a killer.

Trust is earned, not given. It will sound totally cliché when you’re not in any trouble. But believe me, when you’re dealing with trust issues, you will realize that trust is indeed very hard to earn.

If you are sane (and lucky) enough not to have broken any trust given to you, then don’t ever try to play around with that. Take very good care of that. If you have broken someone’s trust, go apologize and show your deepest regret. Don’t expect them to forgive you. Don’t expect their trust towards you to be the same as before. I learn this the hard way. You have to re-earn their trust. Show that you are willing to change. Act like it and not just sugarcoat words.

So let’s give it a thought: have I done my best to take care of every trust given to me?