Conflict is inevitable among humans. In fact, a question can be asked to those who seldom deal with conflict in any of their relationships: is their relationship healthy? I will not say that those who are often in conflict have healthy relationship (they don’t, most of the time). If they argue a lot, let alone based on simple things, we can be pretty sure that they just are not compatible together.

When dealing with conflicts, people often picture themselves as the victim. People love to play victim. They will see themselves as the ones that have to suffer real pain and that the other person doing harm is so cruel, mean, insensitive, and lots of other bad things. Well, the truth is, we are so self-oriented that we are not able to frame ourselves in another point of view. We are so selfish, we cannot see that we could be the one who hold the knife and stab our partner. We are so blinded by rage that lots of good memories we had are never taken into account. What we see is only our own pain and his/her evil means.

When blinded by such hatred and anger, love is not there. Part of love is about understanding each other, and yet all we do is to cry over the unfairness we think we experience and question why this relationship exists the first place. Where is the understanding part in it? People are so blinded by their own rage that they forget how to love. A simple act will do: take a deep breath and ask yourself, “Am I doing this the right way? Have I loved this person enough? I probably haven’t.”

Those who are powered by love will not be ashamed to say sorry, guilty or not. You care more about the relationship than your own justification that you are the right one. Unwilling to say sorry might be a sign that we are still too selfish and overpowered by our own will. Say the word and let the magic word melt the cold heart. Let the confession begin. Let the heart be touched and let the relationship be stronger.

If you are doing that right, you will have the healthiest kind of a relationship: a relationship that is willing to be changed for good, a relationship where forgiveness is abundant, a relationship where love is the only source of power.

Written as a reminder to myself that in order to have the best relationship, one must be willing to actively maintain it.

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